Where Else Would I Be?

Her answer was, "It's worth it". The discussion had to do with the hasseles of waiting and going through all the tests and the effort it takes to get the results. "Where else would I be?"
I must admit that sometimes, the length of the illness,the lack of certainty of a cure, the side effects of  the chemo, the hospitalizations, the trips up and down I-45, the 15 or so clinic visits a month and whatever else may come up - slowly but surely these leave tread marks on body and soul. Josh knew something of that. When talking about his treatments, the endless treatments, and the side effects and his ability to stay with it, his mother told him how brave she thought he was. His response was remarkable. "Brave? What do you mean brave? What else am I going to do? Just die? He never never gave up.
Some do. I was visiting with someone the other day. His brother had been misdiagnosed for 2 years. Finally when they determined it was cancer and they were able to get ahead of it he was on track for a stem  cell transplant and had a sister who was a match - he said  no he did not want to. 4 months later he died. It is another aspect of this  disease,  how it can take the will to live before it physically takes life. Wear and tear can do that. As the Country and Western song goes, the "give a damn is busted".
Last weekend  I spent 4 days getting infusions at MD Anderson. From the time I would leave, get my treatments and get back home it would be 8 to 10 hours. Lots of time to think and process. On the surface that shouldn't seem so bad. Cumulatively though it extracts a toll, something I'm paying for taking this journey. So far I'm doing alright I think. " My give a damn's not busted." To quote the lady in the waiting room, "Where else would I be?" or Josh, "What else am I going to do ? Just die?"  When I grow up I want to be like that.