"This path is not familiar"

When I was a younger lad I would take walks around the farm and the neighborhood and Aaran Lake. Our dog, Tippy, would go with me. My favorite times were spring and fall. And even though I knew the area very well I occaisonally would come across an unfamiliar path. And away we would go down this new path.
Yesterday we met with Dr. Borthakur, my oncologist, again. "Your blood counts look good." When I asked what happened he said I don't know. It could be.... or ....it could be.......or maybe....... what it is not, is the bad things it could have been like the return of the CLL. The conclusion: we do not do round 6 of the chemo and go to stem cell transplant. So Dr. Borthakur handed me over to Dr. Khouri, the stem cell transplant doctor.
What happened there was a pivotal shift for me. In Jan. when my family doctor told me that my blood counts were off and wanted to retest, I thought it must be a glitch and when he referred me to an oncologist after that I thought this isn't really happening and when Isaac said we needed to get to MD Anderson I argued with him and when Dr. Borthakur said it was leukemia I thought, well people can live with that and then when he said this had some chromosone mutations and would come back soon after treatment, he also said lets wait and see and now this final HAND OFF. It's the end of a spring walk. This path is not familiar. There is no happy dog running along side of me as we take a new path .
Last night when I went to bed I began to realize how unfamiliar this path is. Every step has proved to be a step down. It's not a glitch. It is going to stem cell transplant. I also thought of the risks that face me now. There is a risk of dying from the complications of this "path". How great? It varies depending on the study you lok at, yet there, none the less. What I felt was like a scene from a bleak cold dark winter night when the tempurature is below zero., like a scene from Dr. Zhivago.  Even though I am surrounded by a loving and devoted wife and family and an abundance of loving and caring extended family and a host of friends, I feel very much alone as I think of my own mortality. The words of the old spiritual went through my mind.
          You've got to walk that lonesome valley.
           Well you gotta walk it by yourself.
             Well there ain't nobody else gonna go there for you.
               You gotta go there by yourself.