Looking Up

We've been on hold, in a pattern, not much going on, in the doldrums, at least as far as events go, as it pertains to my illness. They will try to harvest stem cells again from my brother, either towards the end of next week or the beginning of the following week. I have only one visit this week on the schedule and non that following week. Dirk is staying healthy as am I. So we wait.
I have, although, been busy on the inside. I have been thinking a lot about how much effort goes into this process. We are now into the 9th month of poking, prodding, testing, and zapping this disease. That's a long, long, long time. Guess what! We are not even half way through yet. I had, at the very beginning of the chemo process in Mar., decided I would make this work. The effort will be worth it. That was my resolve. It has not always been easy to hold to that resolution. Over the months the disease attacks not only the body , but also the soul. Is it really worth all the effort? I mean, "Is it really worth it?" There are some days I have wondered. That is the powerful grip this disease can have. It has to do with the length of time it takes, the amount of time spent at the hospital, the gnawing wear and tear it takes on my family and myself. No one in the family is immune to the icy cooold tentacles of the dreaded "C". Our whole life has been disrupted, routines, conversations, meals, activities --- YOU NAME IT. CANCER CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!!! It is exhausting for all of us! And then to top it off - it may not work and if the treatment does work we will not know for how long. Scenarios? Best case? Worst Case? Nobody Knows.
I'm walking down the driveway and I'm looking down. That's the way I tend to walk these days. It seems to be easier with my bad back. So as I walk I see the yellow florets of the rain tree on the ground. So I stop a minute and look up to behold the beauty of the tree in bloom. In those few moments I was reminded again "to be thankful in all things". Or while in the midst of the mire there is good to behold and for which to give thanks.