It sneaks up

On Sat. morning Lynne and I were having coffee together. The sun was warm already and the air was sticky, feeling like it might rain. Just a tease of rain like usual. The conversation? Lynne has requested that for morning conversations, we stay away from heavy topics until at least the first cup of coffee is consumed. I tend to be up earlier and so have already  finished one cup. Caffeine's working and it's hard for me to  stay with the "I just got up" guidelines. So I work at it. Well yesterday, for some reason or another we started talking about Josh. And the conversation went to rereading his blogs and the time he talked about, not only his cancer, but also the discovery of mine. I suddenly realized how much I missed him, of not having him here while we go through this. For years he and I have worked on projects together especially on the building of our house. I tried to imagine what it would have been like to have him along, along with the rest of my family, going through this together. He would have been there every step of the way like he always was. And before you know both Lynne and I are going through another box of Kleenex. O GOD, WE DO SOOO MISS HIM IN SO MANY WAYS. And again the grief. It sneaks up on us.