April 18, 2013
concerns
From the web comic xkcd, this kind of honesty can only come from someone who intimately knows cancer.
Posted by
Isaac van Sligtenhorst at
9:08 PM
This is a post that Isaac included in his blog http://heartofalonelyhunter.blogspot.com/ and it helps me with a crucial point. Since 2010 we have been occupied by cancer and by occupied I mean almost in a military sense and we have been captives, first by Josh's diagnosis in 2010, his ensuing treatment and his being a casualty on May 22 2011 and overlapping that, my diagnosis in Jan. 2011. What I had said in the last post is this: I did not have cancer yesterday, do not have cancer today, and will not have cancer tomorrow, yet there it is occupying my life, that big grey area hovering and lurking. I am not naive. I spend time every day taking medicines, 3 times a day, 30 some pills in all, and it has become hard to not forget. It is there hovering. Someone just sneezed and I instinctively move away, that's survival. The other day I believe I washed my hands about 20 times, with soap and water. I must be vigilant about these things. That means cancer will occupy a huge chunk of my life. What I am beginning to be aware of, and the phrase, "cancer survivor" helps, is that I want to think of other things as well, have other activities in my life. That is beginning to happen. It is similar to waking up and opening my senses to the day, the moon shining on the veranda, the feel of frost in the air, and do you realize the mocking bird sings all night, and there is the hoot owl with his 9 notes calling out in the dark and the mate echoing it back. Do you see how for a few minutes something else is occupying my mind? And did you not join in, seeing moon light and feeling cold and hearing songs. And I have not diminished the seriousness of my health. I have been taking moments to do just that, fixing the tube on the bike, setting up a sprinkler system in the garden, and maybe sitting long enough to notice the beans grew and the potatoes are blooming, as are the cucumbers and look there's a little tomato. Yes, Thank God, for those few minutes I don't have cancer.
No comments:
Post a Comment