Waves of Grief

There is the big one, that one way out there.                                                                                           It's coming with foam and a crest in the air.                               
Kate's ready to paddle, she's ready to float.                             
Watch it carry her just like a boat.                                 
                                                                                              
And we do it again as the next one comes falling,                          
And Ethan's got that wave, the next one Llew's calling.      
It goes on all day in the primordial glee,
As folks of all ages are washed by the sea.

Then tired and tuckered we think we are done,
And somebody yells, "There's the big one!"
And every one turns and runs to the foam,
Convinced and expecting to ride this one home.

For years it has happened with exuberant excitement.
Our family would gather for a weekend of delightment,
At Galveston's beaches immersed in the wave,
Catching the next one, the big one, by the brave.

Forever, yes forever, we thought it would last,
Gathering each year for our annual blast,
Immersed in the moment of the tide we are crashing.
Immersed in the swell of eternity splashing.

Bathed in the foam, the seaweed and the sand,
Getting bit by a fish on the leg or the hand,
Walking the beach looking for shells,
And even the savoring of Galveston smells.

Every roll of the  deep had a mystical potion,.
A bathing our souls with a heavenly lotion
The lapping of water, the sun and the sand,
Burning off all the tensions leaving them banned.

Then Cancer, then doctors, and the flames they exploded!
The forever had been wrinkled and the peace had imploded.
And reeling and stumbling we marched to the beach.
If we could freeze time we could freeze cancer's reach.

And  as pilgrims we were, we continued the quest,
For that year with Josh we all brought our best.
We put on brave hearts and screwed up our courage,
Trying so hard our faith to encourage.

And that year we washed in the sea and the shore,
Three sons and their families for one last wave roar.
It was brief, it was silent, it was loud with devotion,
Filling raw wounds with salt from the ocean.

With peace on earth shattered and prayers left so blank,
The Cancer waves crashed,  to the bottom we sank.
This storm we were riding was sinking our notions,
Of eternal waves washing with heavenly potions.

Tradition? Can we keep it without Josh, without him?
Can we celebrate there again after Cancer's cruel dim?
With holes in our hearts and blurred still with tears,
We strained through the fog to Galveston's piers.

It was scary. It was painful. It was devoid of  all lotions.
It burned like the sun, it seared our emotions.
The water didn't wash and it stung with the  sand.
The waves forgot to play as they rushed to the land.

We met and we wrestled with so many a new feeling,
That swamped us and stung us like star fish a reeling.
And on our way home I knew we weren't done.
The quest was a long one, we'd only begun.

The quest of the pilgrim suits us quite well,
Looking for peace in the midst of the swell.
Beatitude seekers making sense of this world,
Clasping for peace as each wave  unfurled.



The yearning to return for our holy tradition,
Lies deep in my chest as a personal mission,
To keep family together in remembrance alive,
And make sense of the fact that I did survive.

I begged and I bargained, he and I could trade spaces.
No justice seemed served if we stayed our places.
The sadness continues that I stand to live,
After cancer took Josh and I've days to give.





There is the big one, that one way out there.
It's coming with foam and a crest in the air.........