Retirement? Really?

Hey Kate! Guess what! You'll never never guess! I read a book. Really - I did - for real. For those of you that hadn't known I don't read for pleasure and I had told our granddaughter, Kate, who is a avid reader that I don't read, to which she replied, "And you're still alive?". I have been challenged to look into reading as a way to help wile away the hours. Basically I am retired because of my back and my leukemia. What to do with my time? Reading does not come to mind. It is has really been hard to wrap my mind around this concept of retirement. I've dreamed of the day. I've thought of all the things I'd like to do. Actually doing and living like I am retired is not easy. To be fair to myself there is the matter of the disease that has life on hold or rather a hold on my life. I cannot look much farther ahead than the   Stem Cell Transplant (SCT). That's about as far out as I find myself envisioning a retired life. So I have come to this conclusion. If I am retired as far as it relates to gainful vocational employment then I do not have those demands upon my life and this is true. What has emerged and filled that spot however, is this: Coping with my illness has become front and center. That has many facets. It is a physical, mental, and  spiritual battle. Inside my body are these cells that want to destroy my life. Keeping healthy is about all there is on the radar for me to do to mitigate against that. There are all kinds of things in life with which we deal and cope and overcome and solve. If we are not successful then often they are not life threatening and we move on. Cancer is different from anything with which I have dealt. I feel as though I am at the mercy of the disease and rely almost entirely on those with expertise in its treatment. It is, in my opinion, one of the least responsive to healing prayer. We watched our son, Josh, die from cancer despite prayers from all over the world and treatment at the world famous MD Anderson.  And I too take medicines daily and keep a decent diet, get plenty of rest, daily do exercises and do my best to avoid contact with colds and flues.  I too am being treated at the same world famous MDA as Josh was. I too have the same  dedicated crowd praying  for me. That's what retirement looks like? Fighting cancer?   That's not what I envisioned. It is, though, what I have been handed. So for the next few months fighting CANCER is my retired task and get past the SCT and may  God go with my family and I as we march ahead. I have spoken of that bucket list to work on and what that has given me is the joy of living in the now. So Kate, yes, I did read a book. And  in this past 2 weeks, since I was feeling so well, I did some landscaping around the house. I built a bridge and installed a bog filter water pond by the back door, 2 things on my to do (bucket)list before the SCT. So yes Kate, I am alive and plan to be alive while I am living.