The Cycles of Things

We have sprung into spring and although that may be a hard sell to some folks up north, the calendar says it usually comes about now, give or take a week or so. For us in the Gulf Coast, it is here, complete with the pollen clouding the air.

The last few weeks I have been feeling the urge to get out and get going and that is the seasonal part of my cycle in the past. I have been feeling well and energy level was good. I felt that this was a definite improvement over last year. I had just celebrated my 2nd anniversary of the Stem Cell Transplant. This was great. Then last Saturday I began to have a fever and it was high 90's at first and then just over 100 and up to 101 at a point. We have been instructed that I go to MDA emergency immediately if it reaches 100.4. Dang it. So we head down and by 4 am I am in a hospital bed, with antibiotics and fluids. It was also a time that my afib starts up so I am hooked up with a monitor as well. By Monday morning some of the results come in and there are no infections and I also get a consult with a cardiologist and they said we could try another medication to control the afib. Isaac was downtown and waited the hours that it took to my discharge.

It was a excellent example that I must be aware that I am always at risk for a flair up of some kind or another. They found nothing and that is good. One time they had discharged me and as we were leaving the parking lot they called me back to say something had shown up and I needed to stay a little longer.

In the mean time Isaac said I had become dehydrated and also lost weight. I had not noticed. So some new challenges still lie ahead. I am at home and I still feel well and it has been a good week. Today I work on the garden. It will be good therapy. Thanks Lynne and Isaac, left to myself I may not have gone in and intellectually I know that can be dangerous and life threatening. Thanks again.

I'm 2 Years Old Today

So today, Lynne and I, along with Isaac and Katie, sat down and broke bread together on the occasion of the 2 year anniversary of my Stem Cell Transplant. My sincere gratitude and thanks go out again, to Brian Re, my donor. I will forever remember him and each year the gift is more treasured. Thanks again Brian. This past week I have felt fantastic and each month I feel stronger. I thank God for all these wonderful gifts.

"He Descended Into Hell" Yours And Mine - I Gotta Have It

"I believe in......." and on and on we went, all with one voice, the congregation did, as we stated our faith with the words of The Apostle's Creed.  We knew it by heart, we did. Just in case some one did not it was printed out for them or if you were a little uncertain you could follow the words. As we are professing our faith I'm looking at the floor, what else can you do with your eyes anyway and I find it is a good way for me to focus on the verbal. "Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary: Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried. The third day............ ... "Wait a minute. Back up there a second. You missed a part, that part about, he descended into hell." I know, I know, some of the early transcripts do not have this or did not include, the descending into hell. So some Churches do not include it. I know all that. What I experienced was that something was missing and it came so suddenly that my first reaction was, "I have to have that. He had to descend in the depths of hell, the hell of suffering and pain, the hell that the righteous and the unrighteous both endure, especially the righteous who intuitively have seen their righteousness as a, 'Get out of jail free' card. How can he know my or anyone else's suffering?"

  A psalm of David. Psalm 22

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
    by night, but I find no rest.^[b]  

     

 

New International Version (NIV) Matt. 27:45&46

The Death of Jesus

⁴⁵ From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. ⁴⁶ About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli,^[a] lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).


Yes acquainted with all the slings and arrows that flesh is heir to as Mr. Shakespeare would say.

Cross references:

1. Matthew 27:45 : 27:45-56pp — Mk 15:33-41; Lk 23:44-49; Jn 19:29-30
2. Matthew 27:45 : Am 8:9
3. Matthew 27:46 : Ps 22:1

 

 

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Today

—Rev. Thomas A. Dorsey

Take My Hand, Precious Lord

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Thru the storm, thru the night, lead me on the light
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

When my way grows drear, precious Lord, linger near
When my life almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call, hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.

When the darkness appears and the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand, guide my feet, hold my hand
Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.


     The choir was singing this hymn with all the emotion that a choir can. They harmonized, they swayed, they lent their own feelings to the lyrics and to the melody. It truly was beautiful. It was as though everyone was acquainted with the metaphors of death and dying. It was powerful.
     All through the hymn I flashed to some of the times that I had felt those feelings, that part about, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, especially most recently in the last 3 years, but they are not the same any more. I am no longer tired or weak or worn maybe a bit on the worn side but not in the sense of "at the river I stand". And it struck me - that is no longer me. Oh how far I have come. Oh sure, life will never be like it was, healthwise. I can't do what I used to do and "I ain't half the man I used to be". And yet it is not a cause for feeling bitter or cheated, although I have courted those inclinations at times. It was, instead a wonderful feeling of being whole, of being healed.
     As I write this I am at MDA for a CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy, usually done every 3 months, now at 6 months. I will also see Dr. Khouri and it has been about 8 weeks since I have seen him and it was usually every 2 to 3 weeks. I have more energy and overall recovering well.  There is much, so very much, for which I am thankful.

The Slippery Slope

My health is good. There is nothing that is creeping in except........ and that is always the clincher. It seems like every ache and pain is the next catastrophic threat, in my mind, coming down the tube at  me. It's official now. I'm paranoid and a hypochondriac with tendencies to illusions and vivid imaginings. A twitch in the eye, an ache in the thumb, a chill in a toe, a sneeze. Why any one of these could be my impending doom. Slowly I talk myself off that slope. I shrug my shoulders and say to myself, "silly me".

Sometimes there are too many stories out there of folks having bad outcomes. Isaac said, "You and Google. A dangerous pair." I was told early on, to stay off Google and then also told, an informed patient is a better.....Wait, back up. That's it. That word patient. It speaks volumes. Every day, all day, I am a patient. When I get up in the morning I move my hands, then my fingers, especially my thumbs. Has the neuropathy moved further? I do the same with my feet. I check my throat. Is there any soreness? Mucous? Any fever? That itch? GVHD? Even as I write this, my right eye is watering and the vision is a little blurry. I did have indications of cataracts beginning, according to the ophthalmologist. Maybe it is changing. I stopped just now to massage my right thumb to relieve the numbness of the neuropathy. I had 13 appointments for Oct. and Nov. They are still poking and prodding and medicating and testing and boring into bones and spinning the CTs and MRIs peering inward where eyes have never gone before, to get a better look. These are sharp things, loud things, distasteful things, embarrassing things. For almost every appointment, they ask me to remove my clothing. Really? I have a theory about that. It is so you won't run away when they come at you with their poking and prodding and boring and spinning and such. I'm not a normal person anymore. Lynne says I never was.

 They are watching and looking for anomalies, bad things, dangerous things in order to intercept and remedy. Seriously though, they really are good and well intended people and I mean them no disrespect. They are my friends. The truth be known? I tire of being a patient and walking slippery slopes and losing my balance and afraid of sliding aaaalllllll the way down. After awhile I get to, "Silly me".

Christmas 2013

Christmas Day, a celebration of a birth.
Christmas is here and it is now over. It has been been excellent. We are in Washington with our son, Chris and wife, Denise, and their families. We have spent  time with our grand kids here and certainly eaten abundantly. It is our first major trip since the transplant and we had to navigate the coughs and sneezes of airports and airlines. So far, so good. Tomorrow, Denise and Chris, and Lynne and I will get to meet my stem cell donor, Brian Re and his wife Shannon. Since April I have looked forward to this day, a day when I would see Brian face to face and be able to thank him for his gift to me and I know, to my family as well. I have been wondering what to say to him. How do you thank someone for the gift of new life? All is set to meet them at a restaurant in downtown Tacoma, thanks to Denise. So who are they, what are they like, will it be a good and comfortable get together, so many things.

The Day and every day after, a celebration of new birth for me.
It went fantastic. They are a younger couple,(relative to us) with 3 teenage children. Shannon is a pediatric nurse at a clinic with aspirations of becoming a nurse practitioner. Brian, my donor, is a lieutenant in the navy and in charge of the refitting of the nuclear submarine, the USS Kentucky. It was good visit and the flow of conversation was so enjoyable as we broke bread and drank wine and celebrated the gift of new life As the evening drew to a close Brian gave me a medallion of the USS Kentucky, something I will cherish forever. Thanks again Brian. On the way home, Lynne said, "You have good blood".

You Are Not A Burden

"You are not a burden". The soldier had just come back from active duty and had been pretty badly traumatized. PTSD had been suggested and getting back into mainstream society was not going well. The counselor caring for him, first put his arm on the soldier's shoulder, then gently but firmly spoke a phrase, "You are not a burden". I did not hear much of anything of the show for awhile. Those words continued to resonate down inside of me. What a powerful statement, "You are not a burden". I flashed back to different times in my life when those words have been music to my soul. I have heard it often enough to sustain life. What a gift.

New International Version 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.