Sunday, April 13, 2014

The Road I Don't Travel Well

Sometimes there is not much to say about my health except I keep chugging along. I did have a scare about a month ago. I started to have an elevated temperature and after monitoring for about 2 hours it did go up to 101 , and that is "Head for the ER" time. My first reaction was frustration and anger. "Come on now. Is this going to happen for the rest of my life?" I'm not sure to whom  I was addressing that question. It's one of those questions I ask when I know the correct answer and I would rather live in denial, that I am normal now and I can handle these things. It's just a temperature, even babies handle slight elevations. After a couple of days in the hospital, nothing showed up in any of the tests to explain why this happened. My atrial fibrillation started to act up and that became more of an issue. When that happens we usually increase the metoprolol. That medication not only slows the heart but also decreases blood pressure. Mine was low and protocol for the staff is that they cannot give me my meds. Finally someone authorized changing the numbers and I get the meds and the heart rate goes back to normal. The cardiologist recommended a new medication and it, however, did not work very well so I am back on the meds I had before with a slight increase.

Isaac was there when I asked the rhetorical question and he reminded me of the patient who had been visiting family. She was 7 years post transplant and yet, here she was in the hospital. They thought she picked up something in a salad bar at a restaurant. And there was the man who had developed an infection in the face and they had to do surgery to try and remove it. I do so hope that is my last trip to the ER. I find it hard to say, "It won't be".  Anger has subsided and I have moved more to acceptance. I certainly am not there yet as I experienced one more time "the rush to the ER".

Slowly but surely I grieve the loss of health and move to accepting who I am now. I'm not there yet but I see the road ahead of me.

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