Faith - the assurance of things hoped for.

It was something that Robin Roberts said. It has stuck with me and been ruminating for a couple of days now. It was the bit about never knowing for sure, that if you have been treated for cancer there is always the chance that other problems can come up, like other cancers. She was treated for breast cancer in 2007. I was aware of that bit as well. She said that she has always been an optimistic person but it's not like that any more. What I had forgotten was that it  sits there in the back of my mind. And then I contrast that with a man that is 102, interviewed at the Rodeo this year, looks healthy and happy, and in the back of my mind I am convinced I will not make it to that age and if the truth be known I live with the notion I am still far from out of the woods and if age could be chronicled in miles I have put on a lot of miles this last 2 years and the wear and tear shows. That just lurks there all the time. What will happen next? I have been blessed. Like Ms. Roberts, I'm not always optimistic.

Well this blog has been there, just sitting there for a couple of weeks now. Since then I have had another CT scan, as is the custom every 3 months. The reason? Because anyone who has had chemo and or immune suppressing drugs is an easy target for other opportunistic ailments to set up camp, more specifically other cancers.  On the scan, there was a spot on the lung that was not there before. Likely answer? A left over spot from a slight cold I had had a few weeks prior. A suspicious mind like mine has gone down other roads as well. Another CT scan on the 12 of April should tell us more. So we wait, but it's probably nothing. Dr. Khouri, Dr Isaac, and others said so. They can still be optimistic. It's easy, isn't it guys?                                                                                                        New International Version
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Heb. 11:1

2 Birthdays!! What a Life

Today is March 8, 2013. and that is one year after March 8, 2012, the day I received my
Stem Cell Transplant - a whole year. Wow. It is hard to believe that we have come this far and more specifically, how far I've come. Sometimes you can't tell from one day to the next that the grass is growing - can't see it can you?  a month later though wow what a difference. That's kinda the way it has gone for me. Day to day, not much But a month - that's different and now over 2 years since my diagnosis and a year since my transplant I'm doing very well and the rate of change seems to be accelerating and I'm having fewer bad days and more of the better ones.  Thanks y'all for your prayers and your messages and support. When I received my stem cell transplant everyone wished me a happy birthday for the new life I had received. As I thought about it at different times today I choked up. Lynne made a special dinner to celebrate to commemorate it. 2 Birthdays!!! What a life!!!

I Think They'll Take It

I have not seen the woodpeckers in a few days now. Yesterday the pair of bluebirds was doing the home inspection bit for quite awhile. It's a modest home, a  1 nest room, a tiny front perch, roof looks good, but the view - spectacular.

There's A Bluebird On Our Pine Tree

Back in Nov. of 2011 I posted a blog, "Birds of the Air" and I wrote about the trees that had died because of the drought. It was a particularly painful blog and we continue to wrestle with God's caring in light of Josh's dying.  One of my favorite past times is sitting, especially in the morning and the evening, ah heck it's any time of the day, and watching the birds and I guess the trees as well. One of those trees that died started to lose some branches. Then the top blew out in a wind storm. A couple of woodpeckers have been working that tree for several months now and coming back daily for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They have pecked a larger hole in one place and these birds have been known to nest in those. Last week Lynne and I were sitting outside and we  noticed a couple of bluebirds on the very top of the tree. They nest in similar places. One kept flying down to the hole and hovering there. The other never did follow. The male bluebird looks for nest sites and will wait for the female's approval. I have lots of time to see which, if anyone nests there. My bet is on the woodpecker. "Birds of the air and trees of the field.", I like that phrase. That tree has some life left I guess and still sustains life. Amazing. Even in death.

 

 

Isaiah 55:12

New International Version (NIV)

¹² You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

 

That's Romance

Spent the day, and it took the whole day, getting a 90 minute infusion of pentamidine - my point? It is this. Cancer patients spent a great deal of time traveling, waiting, testing, being testy, being poked and prodded, and slowly healing - yes healing on Valentines Day. Romance? I've nothing left when I get home. I  had hoped to make dinner. It didn't happen. Microwave? Yes. But I have no appetite. Do you know what was wonderful though? Lynne understood. In fact she was the one who talked me out firing up the grill because I have a touch of sore throat and the smoke would not be good for me. If you recall she spent her birthday at the hospital with me. Cancer patients need strong support care takers. I have one of those. She has been there every step of the way. Thanks and Happy Valentines Day, Hon.   
New American Standard Bible (©1995)
Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9

Waiting For The Sign

The weather is cooling again. Today the mercury did not visit the 60's. So I lite the fireplace. Just enough to take the chill out of the air and the bones. When I first ignited the paper to get the draft going up the chimney the smoke was white. Oh, oh.  I had to quickly add some wood. That first smoke ascending was white and it might mislead some to think a new Pope had been chosen. Now the smoke is black and grey, the color of limbo. The world awaits with bated breath. But I suspect it's not my chimey to which they look, is it?

First Impressions

  I park the car and walk to the elevators. I push button 3. It takes me from the parking ramp to the skywalk over the street below into the main clinic of MDA. I've taken this trek hundreds of times,  hundreds. It's routine. Then I go to elevator B and that takes me to the Stem Cell Transplant Clinic on the 8th floor. But I get ahead of my story. There is a Security Guard Station on the 3rd floor just after you get off the skywalk. As I'm walking I guess I was preoccupied and in the back ground I hear, "Sir." And within a couple of seconds, again, "Sir". Then a third time more loudly and authoritatively, "Sir". I stopped and turned to look at what was going on. Was there a problem behind me or something, but she seemed to be looking at me. "Yes?", I said. She asked, "Where are you going?" I was startled. "Excuse me?", I asked. I wondered if I had absentmindedly gone down the wrong way and I looked up, and no, this was the correct hall. "Where are you going?", she asked again. "To my appointment." "Where's that?", she asked, and added, "I've never seen you before." And I told her I was headed for Stem Cell Transplantation. And after a few exchanges she must have figured I was safe and let me go ahead.

Those of you that know me understand I do not dress up. In fact it has been said I dress down. I also seldom go anywhere without the felt hat Lynne had given me years ago. My picture ID at MDA has me wearing that hat. Today I was not wearing it. When I told, Lisa, the nurse that I had been stopped by Security, she had a good laugh. I figured it was time to spruce up a bit. The next week I had trimmed my beard, Lynne gave me a hair cut, and I wore my hat. Not one more problem with security.

What is funny about this story is that for a second I was startled that someone would see me as perhaps a homeless or some kind of undesirable person. Clothes do make a difference. That same hat can be folded, washed, and just about anything and be put back to shape in a few seconds. And if I fold the sides down or turn the hat sideways I can drop my IQ by appearance, at least 30 points. All this is funny now but for a second I wondered what the security guard saw.